Thursday, 18 May 2017

Inappropriate moments vet nursing.

I thought I'd write a selection of short stories of inappropriate moments in Vet practice...a montage if you will. I should probably put a disclaimer here that they're not for the faint hearted, things go on in every work place....right?



PTS consults are always emotional affairs, no matter who is involved and dignity needs to be kept at all times. Being in the profession we all have that innate fear of not hitting the vein, trying to make the animals last moments as smooth as possible. We rehearse our speech to the client, we pray that the animal doesn't respond in any distressed way.
What we don't account for however are those one in a million consults. Like the time I snuck into the consult with the clippers, spirit swab and somber face on, only to be met head on by the vet smirking at me as he leaves the room to get a towel. OK I think, I mean yes a towel is what we need. I'm still contemplating the smirk when the owner stands back up after clearly kneeling down to be with her beloved pet. Her face is bright red, I think oh goodness this is going to be a tough one, then I spot it..... a giant split up in her trousers and a gaping hole left around her buttocks (apologies for the hole joke). I turn around to face the sink, breath deeply, regain my composure and continue with what actually turned out to be a smooth PTS.

Or like the time a client comes into consult with no animal present. My colleague thinks OK perhaps they're coming to discuss a case (this happens so isn't unusual). How can I help you today? She asks. To my colleagues horror the client then drops her pants and says 'It was quicker to get an appointment here than with my doctor, I think I have a tick, could you remove it for me?'



Have any of you ever revived a puppy during a c-section? I have, in fact I've lost count of the amount of times. There's always quite a lot of fluid and normally amniotic sack still attached. The last one I did I was in my usual swing motion when I heard a splat. Immediately the whole op theatre looked at me, I in horror look at my hands and suddenly thought phew as the puppy was still present in my hands. I look behind me, just as a big great gloop is sliding down the wall to the floor. Oopsie I say, as the theatre erupts in a fit of giggles.

Microchipping a cat twice....happens to us all right?

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Or how about when you try to do the right thing and take an underweight hedgehog home so that you can fatten it up. You meticulously set up an old rabbit hutch, place a bowl of cat food and water in it. Step back and admire your handiwork thinking - yes I am the best nurse ever. Until you awake in the morning, go to feed said hedgepig.... only to find it has escaped from the hutch overnight and is now once again out in the wilderness underweight.... still the thought was there...?


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